Pomegranate - Courtney Marie Andrews

I'm aching. I've gotten my peace, and still I ache.

Dried up flowers on your dashboard

Pomegranate in your teeth

I told you that forever is what you looked like to me

In the shrubberies of summer, in the dying desert leaves

My heart pines for you, and... I can't stop it. I thought that after getting the forgiveness, the peace, the closure, that I would be able to let go. Maybe it's wrong of me to feel this way, but... I still want you. I still crave you. I still feel so much in my heart for you. You, who brought me to life.

On our first date, we saw Courtney perform... this was the first song she played. I remember we spent the majority of the show sitting awkwardly next to each other, hands twitching anxiously for the other... It wasn't until a week later that you and I held hands, and kissed, and snuggled... From there, every day with you was a treasure. I can't even begin to describe the wonder you brought into my life.

I don't understand why I keep feeling for you. I don't understand how I could feel the amazing life-changing peace of forgiveness and the gentle warmth of closure and yet stand here today with the ever-persistent ache of a missing half. You were the only person I was ever hesitant to love, because you were the only person I was ever afraid of loving.

Answers pending in your mailbox

Silence filling the room

Our love survived like flowers

in the harshest winter's snow

In the valley where the sun sets pink

Where the grey men and their wives go

I don't know what good saying all this will do. I honestly don't. There's that part of me that sits like an anchor in my mind, holding me back from what I want to do. Were I more... courageous... I would run to you right now, no holds barred, no concern for work or school, I would run to you and... well... that's where things go fuzzy. I don't know what I would do.

All I know is that the idea of being with anyone but you feels wrong. The way being around unpleasant people feels wrong. The way having a vital part of you removed feels wrong. The way losing a family member before their time feels wrong...

Being left alone with your thoughts for days, especially with thoughts as fast-moving as mine, gives you the time to reach a lot of conclusions, visit many different perspectives, and examine all the options as well as ponder the current state of your life... well... No matter which way I look at it, no matter what the scenario, there's nothing but you. The whole world has turned lackluster and undesirable, all but thoughts of you.

I feel happier wrapped in memories of you and me, smiling to myself about when we used to argue about who said "I love you" first. I sleep better immersed in thoughts of your smile than without.

 Tell me your secrets I promise I will bury them in the dirt

even if they hurt me, oh so deeply

I will mask my quiet concerns

Tell me your lies, tell me that you knew her

Tell me that you knew her more than me

I will compromise, keep you in my ear

forgive the morning and the evening

and anything and everything

I know that you and I have been hurting... and I know that things can't be the same. So why do I keep aching? Why do I still feel love for you? Why do I keep feeling that if I just talk to you, we could rebuild? We could begin again... if we both tried.